BEST OF JODY’S BOX: ALL THE HAPS AT PEYTON PLACE INTERNATIONAL RACEWAY

My buddy Fred Phalange has suffered more than his fair share of concussions, and his wife Corinne finally laid down the law and told him that if he wanted to keep racing every week, he would have to quit racing 450s and get a 250 or a 350. Fred loved his KTM 450SXF, but “happy wife, happy life” means less strife on the home front. So, Fred sold his two-year-old 450SXF and bought a brand-new 2022 KTM 350SXF.

All was well in the Phalange household, but one day while sitting in a lawn chair in the pits, I overheard Corrine tell Lovely Louella that, “Fred is such a fool. He thinks I don’t know that he bought a new 450SXF and put 350SXF decals on it. Anyone can tell the difference between a 450 engine and a 350 engine, especially a wife who has been coming to the races for 30 years. But I let him think that’s he’s pulling one over on me, because it’s the least I can do for a husband who tries so hard and still finishes ninth every weekend.”

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I told Jimmy Mac what I overheard about Corinne knowing the trick that Fred thought he was pulling on her. Jimmy said, “That’s nothing. You know Monte Floyd, the big guy who parks by the sign-up booth. His wife forbids him to race at all. She told him that she would leave him if he ever raced again after his last big crash.”

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“But he’s here every weekend. He never misses a race. He’s the first one in the pits every morning,” I said while glancing over to the sign-up booth, where Monte was cracking jokes and roughhousing with his brother Jake. “How can he possibly be racing?”

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“Monte keeps his bike at his brother Jake’s house,” said Jimmy Mac. “He tells his wife that he and Jake are going fishing and he leaves the house at four in the morning with poles in his hand every race day.”

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“And she hasn’t caught on yet?” I asked.

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“No,” said Jimmy. “She tells her friends, including Jake’s wife, who knows what they are up to, that Monte is the worst fisherman in the world because he never catches anything.”

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Just then Crazy Dave walked over in time to hear the tail end of the conversation.

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“Are you guys talking about Bryan Severn?” asked Crazy Dave.

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“No, we were discussing Monte Floyd’s and Fred Phalange’s wives,” replied Jimmy Mac.

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“Oh! I just heard the word ‘wife’ and it made me think of Bryan Severn,” said Crazy Dave.

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“Who is Bryan Severn? I asked.

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“You know him! Everybody knows Bryan,” said Crazy Dave. “He’s the guy who comes to the races with a new young girlfriend every couple races. People know him because they go over to talk to him, but really they just go over to ogle his scantily clad girlfriends.”

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“Oh, that guy. I haven’t seen him or his girlfriends in about a month,” I said.

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“That’s because he forgot his boots a month ago and his wife drove out to bring them to him,” said Crazy Dave.

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Suddenly, everyone in our pit had pulled up a bike stand to sit on while they listened to the stories from Peyton Place International Raceway.

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“Speaking of guys we haven’t seen in a while, where is Gary Stubbs? He has been a regular in the Vet Novices from the time he was able to lie about his age,” I said.

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“Yeah,” said Crazy Dave. “He raced all the time, and his girlfriend had a TT-R125 that she rode on the minicycle track every weekend. The last time I saw him, he told me that he had bought her a KX250 so she could race on the big track. But I haven’t seen either of them in a month.”

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“Weren’t you here three weeks ago?” asked Jimmy Mac. “Gary signed her up in the Vet Novice class so that he could keep an eye on her and show her the ropes in her first race. He must have taught her well, because she smoked him in both motos. They had a big fight in the pits and nobody has seen either of them since.”

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“Oh, Gary’s ego is just damaged,” said Crazy Dave. “He’ll get over it when she lets him pit for her at next year’s AMA 250 Nationals.”

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